[ the sweetgum that slips past felix is small, with the small rounded ears of a mouse (or possibly a rat), a gun clutched in front of her chest as she makes to dart into the alleyway instead of risking the ire of this big man in the bigger armor. it's smart, and she doesn't need to waste time figuring out who's allied with who when there's a more important destination to make it to, front lines and all that shit.
she's got a big head start that shortens with every step, but she'll be free once she makes it past the loading dock and into the narrow space between two buildings on the other side. suck on that, tin can boy!!!!!
just kidding, because three fucking swords just launched out of nowhere (????) to bury themselves point first, six inches deep into solid brick right in the wall in front of her. one's almost right in front of her nose. hahaha... okay armed revolt and social justice are great but it's not worth this. LATER BINCH SHE'S GOING HOME.
look at that great starter, im amazing.
anyway, look up to where the swords came from, and you'll see your roof friend sitting on the edge of the building and looking pretty peeved. ]
I've never gotten a thread starter that included the words "LATER BINCH" and I'm crying
[Of course, he didn't just let the Sweetgum girl run off scot free, if for no other reason than his own pride.] Hey, get the fuck back here!
[But then she's gone... Because of flying swords. Luckily, Felix has enough combat training and experience to be able to roughly track where they came from. And when he looks up in the general direction...]
Well look who it is. [Hands on hips hips, a slight laugh because wow, you really are selling the whole "cats like being in high places" stereotype. What an edgelord. He's so amused he almost forgets the obvious comment he has to make. But then he glances back at the fucking projectile swords in the wall and find the properly agitated tone.]
Hold up, did you just throw a bunch of fucking swords!? Who does that? Have you never heard of throwing knives? What kind of asshole throws a sword!!
Edited 2017-01-03 04:56 (UTC)
nothing but quality, all day, every day here with laure
[ unfortunately for felix... archer doesn't remember him well enough to recognize that voice. all he sees is a short mofo in armor. and he's being indiscriminatory about who he's keeping out of the perimeter he's set up around yukari: if they look like a combatant, they get a sword thrown at them.
as felix starts yelling at him, archer's tail (that beautiful, fluffy tail that's hanging down over the edge as well) begins to twitch, signaling that this annoyance might be precluding another volley of very sharp things very close to this guy. but we can bant. we haven't had a good bant in ages and its not like cu chulainn is here to pick a fight with so he can get the shit beat out of him. which is a terrible hobby but still his only relatively productive hobby.
so of course, he yells back. ]
I could pick something that explodes on impact for you instead, if that's more your style.
[ he won't stand up to pull out his bow just yet, but he does materialize a single sword in the air above his shoulder, the point angled in felix's general direction as it hovers in wait. binch i think that's a threat. ]
[Of course, by now Felix has figured out that Archer didn't live in Birch at all, and in fact, given that he has what looks like a leopard tail, is in Holly. So, you know, still presumably an ally.
So given that, he doesn't really appreciate the threat. The thing is, Felix reacts to being angry in a wide beautiful variety of ways, and one of them, the one he's using now, is amusement.]
Oh, ohhhh my god! [A laugh] Well you're sure not going to get through my armor by lobbing fucking medieval weaponry at it! [I mean, unless you aim for the fairly large gaps in the plates because a sword would punch right through the under-armor. Kind of a design flaw but it's not like Archer knows that, right?]
Seriously, though! [Jabbing a finger at the angry cat perched on that roof.] You're in Holly, right? What the hell are you threatening me for?
a high quality dick in full resolution flames, tyvm
[ medea thought he was an ally too, and the swords he launched actually went through her so. maybe being archer's ally isn't such a good indicator of safety. but that's a different canonpoint, so i digress.
at felix's boasting about his armor, archer smirks. yes, it looks very solid, sure. but these are goddamn magic swords, bro. they cut through six inches of solid brick, and that wasn't even a real cut. it was just kind of an impalement thing. with kanshou, he could probably cut through that armor easier than a hot knife through butter. ]
I don't care what group you're in, you're three feet from the perimeter line I'm holding, and I promise you don't want to test that hypothesis about your armor.
[ a brief glance upwards distracts him, having seen a flicker of movement in one of the mirror's hes set up to have a full vantage point of every route to yukari, though he's satisfied its nothing he needs to intervene in just yet. ]
[Maybe you should not be such a dick? Did you ever consider that? No, of course not. Why would you.]
Wh- [He does take a step or two back, to be fair. But he's not done questioning Archer's behavior because why would he ever. It's fun and as of yet he doesn't have reason to believe Archer would actually attack him without real provocation. Getting real damn close to having it, though.]
Perimeter around what!? What's so damn important in this dumbass city to merit something like that?
[ maybe you should try being a cute girl in a short skirt instead of a cranky jerk and maybe he'll change how he acts!!!!! did you ever think of that!! ]
It's got nothing to do with this place. I'm just upholding my end of a contract.
u know this is the "subject" field not the "mandatory shitpost joke" field right
[ STILL NOT CUTE ENOUGH. or not spear wielding dog man enough. you don't know his taste! and im going to run the "cu and emiya are fight boyfriends" joke into the ground until i die i dont give a fuck.
there's a long second where he has to piece two and two together, because it's been a while and i'd be lying if i said he gave most people he meets more than the minimum amount of attention or attempt to remember. they're just not important enough most of the time. but the proverbial lightbulb goes off soon enough, and archer just...
sighs. ]
There's a certain kind of person who hears the word "contract" and assumes the next thing to follow is "mercenary."
He'd be offended if he knew Archer could barely just remember him, luckily Archer doesn't talk nearly as much as Felix does, so we will never know.]
Yeah, it's the kind of person who saw you firing arrows at people literally two minutes ago. What the hell other kinds of jobs have contracts that would involve that? [Honestly he raises a fair point.]
he's a fucking siscon didnt you know https://youtu.be/V_lZitocCNM?t=29
[Just call him "you fucker" forever its fine he's used to that. Also technically he never knew Felix's name because that isn't his real name bucko. In any case, Felix frowns a moment before he remembers that they were fucking swords. Who throws swords.]
Ooh I'm so fucking scared, I bet you're gonna stab me with one like a knife since that's apparently your understanding of weapons, Archer. Seriously, it was so ridiculous I must've blocked it out. [Shifting his stance and making a tiny huffing noise.]
And wizards are kind of totally made up where I'm from so don't act like I'm the idiot here. Anyone hired for combat related reasons is a mercenary.
fucking i dont know the november event i think
she's got a big head start that shortens with every step, but she'll be free once she makes it past the loading dock and into the narrow space between two buildings on the other side. suck on that, tin can boy!!!!!
just kidding, because three fucking swords just launched out of nowhere (????) to bury themselves point first, six inches deep into solid brick right in the wall in front of her. one's almost right in front of her nose. hahaha... okay armed revolt and social justice are great but it's not worth this. LATER BINCH SHE'S GOING HOME.
look at that great starter, im amazing.
anyway, look up to where the swords came from, and you'll see your roof friend sitting on the edge of the building and looking pretty peeved. ]
I've never gotten a thread starter that included the words "LATER BINCH" and I'm crying
Hey, get the fuck back here!
[But then she's gone... Because of flying swords. Luckily, Felix has enough combat training and experience to be able to roughly track where they came from. And when he looks up in the general direction...]
Well look who it is. [Hands on hips hips, a slight laugh because wow, you really are selling the whole "cats like being in high places" stereotype. What an edgelord. He's so amused he almost forgets the obvious comment he has to make. But then he glances back at the fucking projectile swords in the wall and find the properly agitated tone.]
Hold up, did you just throw a bunch of fucking swords!? Who does that? Have you never heard of throwing knives? What kind of asshole throws a sword!!
nothing but quality, all day, every day here with laure
as felix starts yelling at him, archer's tail (that beautiful, fluffy tail that's hanging down over the edge as well) begins to twitch, signaling that this annoyance might be precluding another volley of very sharp things very close to this guy. but we can bant. we haven't had a good bant in ages and its not like cu chulainn is here to pick a fight with so he can get the shit beat out of him. which is a terrible hobby but still his only relatively productive hobby.
so of course, he yells back. ]
I could pick something that explodes on impact for you instead, if that's more your style.
[ he won't stand up to pull out his bow just yet, but he does materialize a single sword in the air above his shoulder, the point angled in felix's general direction as it hovers in wait. binch i think that's a threat. ]
ok ms. dick in flames
So given that, he doesn't really appreciate the threat. The thing is, Felix reacts to being angry in a wide beautiful variety of ways, and one of them, the one he's using now, is amusement.]
Oh, ohhhh my god! [A laugh] Well you're sure not going to get through my armor by lobbing fucking medieval weaponry at it!
[I mean, unless you aim for the fairly large gaps in the plates because a sword would punch right through the under-armor. Kind of a design flaw but it's not like Archer knows that, right?]
Seriously, though! [Jabbing a finger at the angry cat perched on that roof.] You're in Holly, right? What the hell are you threatening me for?
a high quality dick in full resolution flames, tyvm
at felix's boasting about his armor, archer smirks. yes, it looks very solid, sure. but these are goddamn magic swords, bro. they cut through six inches of solid brick, and that wasn't even a real cut. it was just kind of an impalement thing. with kanshou, he could probably cut through that armor easier than a hot knife through butter. ]
I don't care what group you're in, you're three feet from the perimeter line I'm holding, and I promise you don't want to test that hypothesis about your armor.
[ a brief glance upwards distracts him, having seen a flicker of movement in one of the mirror's hes set up to have a full vantage point of every route to yukari, though he's satisfied its nothing he needs to intervene in just yet. ]
oh my god how does that make it better
Wh-
[He does take a step or two back, to be fair. But he's not done questioning Archer's behavior because why would he ever. It's fun and as of yet he doesn't have reason to believe Archer would actually attack him without real provocation. Getting real damn close to having it, though.]
Perimeter around what!? What's so damn important in this dumbass city to merit something like that?
im RUNNING OUT OF JOKES LEAVE ME ALONE
It's got nothing to do with this place. I'm just upholding my end of a contract.
u know this is the "subject" field not the "mandatory shitpost joke" field right
Contract? With who? Didn't know you were a mercenary.
[If you answer "no I'm a servant" then yes he will absolutely kinkshame you.]
youre not my real mom caitie!!!!!!!!!!!
Looking for a job? This one's not meant for humans.
[ not yet, but the kinkshaming will happen. i promise. ]
You can't prove that I'm not!!
Literally what part about what I said implied that? Are you saying you can't hack it on your own?
[You can almost hear the shitty grin on his face.]
Besides, I thought you said I wasn't good enough to work with you, Fluffy.
[If Archer hasn't figured out who it is yet, hopefully this will help.]
WATCH ME
there's a long second where he has to piece two and two together, because it's been a while and i'd be lying if i said he gave most people he meets more than the minimum amount of attention or attempt to remember. they're just not important enough most of the time. but the proverbial lightbulb goes off soon enough, and archer just...
sighs. ]
There's a certain kind of person who hears the word "contract" and assumes the next thing to follow is "mercenary."
what on earth is your namefield now
He'd be offended if he knew Archer could barely just remember him, luckily Archer doesn't talk nearly as much as Felix does, so we will never know.]
Yeah, it's the kind of person who saw you firing arrows at people literally two minutes ago. What the hell other kinds of jobs have contracts that would involve that?
[Honestly he raises a fair point.]
he's a fucking siscon didnt you know https://youtu.be/V_lZitocCNM?t=29
[ he... doesn't remember felix's name, so maybe that will be a good tip off, eventually. ]
You haven't seen my arrows yet either. And you don't want to.
[ he picked swords because they were easier to control, less volatile as projectiles, and a lot more obviously dangerous. ]
HE DOESNT EVEN HAVE A SISTER???
Ooh I'm so fucking scared, I bet you're gonna stab me with one like a knife since that's apparently your understanding of weapons, Archer. Seriously, it was so ridiculous I must've blocked it out.
[Shifting his stance and making a tiny huffing noise.]
And wizards are kind of totally made up where I'm from so don't act like I'm the idiot here. Anyone hired for combat related reasons is a mercenary.